Vacation Went To Shit

Okay so all the plans I had to have this lovely long weekend at home...went to shit. SERIOUSLY.... all my plans went out the window because on day one of my vacation when I went to have a conversation with my mentee who I am training as a new hire at work went awry. I thought I was giving her this advice about our workplace that is so helpful and discreet but instead my mentee became frustrated and asked if people had been talking about her behind her back and without even my answering it she arrives at the conclusion that it must be so... From there it went downhill. I had to reach out to the person who she was assuming was talking about her and apologize for "helping her arrive at this conclusion". although it hadn't been my intention to give him away , it undoubtly arrived at that.

So I spent the five day weekend panicking about who I had pissed off in this interaction (which I had set out to do to help my mentee out or so I thought) and worrying about how much clout this person had in making my workplace really uncomfortable or WORST CASE SCENARIO fired.

Heres the thing. I didn't do anything fire-able. I was trying to help someone out and it resulted in some unintended DRAMA. I hate drama, yall. I hate it and it just ate me up inside all weekend.

I have -since then- arrived at many conclusions and lessons and discoveries- which I will be sharing on here in my next post. But just had to check in on here again because my plans to detail out my five day stay-cation NEVER happened.

Office Drama 101

i have always considered myself to be "above office politics". UMM NOTTTTT!

i came to a rude awakening when i realized that i am not above shit.

i am just as prone as the next schmuck to fall trap to gossip and other immature antics.

my analyst has helped me see that this incident at my workplace is not just a good opportunity to learn but rather an essential component of growth. It is only in enactments that we can grow and turn towards truth rather than away from it.

as much as i want to believe that my intention behind going to my mentee with information about her performance (that i had overheard from someone in the work place who yields clout and power) was pure in intention i have to admit to myself that there was an element of gossip and ... amibiguity in what i was doing. an element of "can i get away with being the 'good guy' without actually having to do the 'right' thing?

if i am claiming that i want transparency and "no drama" at the work place it made ZERO SENSE to go to another person to talk about what another person said.

i have to admit that I partook in the drama and deepened it.

im proud to say that i didn't ignore it or sweep it under the rug. after i partook in said interaction i went to the original gossiper and admitted to having done the same and apologized for going behind his back. initially he was angry, frustrated and even a bit spiteful in his reaction. and then he understood, accepted my apology and we all worked it out. like big boys and girls. it was a mature-ish moment. what shocks me to my core is how leading up to this resolution I experienced FIVE ENTIRE DAYS OF UNRAVELING.

i write now from the perspective of someone who has had the opportunity to process these events. but i did not get the chance to document what my five days leading up to today were like: from the moment i spoke to my mentee and realized i had initiated a unnecessary drama until the moment today when i had the opportunity to talk individually with each person involved to apologize and clear the air. the five days of time between the start and finish of the situation have been unreal and ill elaborate on that in my next post because i think it deserves its own space.