My Closet Journey

[intentional_life]

After taking over five hours this weekend to clean and reorganize my entire closet I really came out of it with some deeper understanding of what I had a lot of and what I did not have nearly enough of. I came out of that journey noticing that when it comes to work clothing, pajamas and work out clothes I have more than enough. But what I did notice was that I had almost NO going out clothing. NO outfits for brunch with the friends, going out with my sisters, going on a date night or a random Sunday Funday. I don't have hip fun clothes for fun non-utilitarian reasons. I have work out clothes TO WORK OUT IN. I have work clothes TO DO WORK. I have Pajamas to SLEEP IN. but i have no FUN STUFF. I used to be the queen of fun clothes but in the last two years I gained around 30 pounds or so and i just havent been able to recooperate the love that I have for clothing. i believe that no matter my size I should love my clothing, love my look and whether I gain or lose weight I should be able to enjoy beautiful clothing on my bod. I think that I've struggled to accept where I am in the body that I have. Shame and self loathing has really held me back.

And, this is coming from someone who has been facing the pain. this is coming from someone who has been facing the self loathing that I so badly didn't want to face. I accept that as much as I do accept myself for how I am, I also struggle to accept myself. My journey with my body and my size and my clothing is a long one that I hope to continue to work through in my life, in my therapy and here in my journal. Here.