Feeling alone ...

is it possible to feel alone in the world but not feel alone as well?

i think that as i have worked on developing a better relationship with myself it has become easier to feel less alone. i think that life is really hard sometimes and others cannot always be there for us because i know i cannot be there for others all the time.

ive been feeling kind of alone lately. the thing is that im not alone by any means but the aloneness is there . its mild and ive improved on this so much but the remnants are there.

i wonder... if the aloneness is our realization that in life...we are alone...the desperation...the freefalling feeling of not having someone take care of us. that we are indeed alone...

i feel like i hardly know my step mom. sometimes i feel like i hardly know my dad. i wonder why he doesnt try harder to have a relationship with me. its hard to have relationships sometimes.

i wish that they were easier sometimes.

i wish that i could have my mom with me. idk how shed be but i imagine shed want to know me... i have people in my life who want to know me. my friend from work, my partner, my aunt, my two best friends in SF... my aunt in argentina....

gosh we just want to be known right...
i think that i just wish my dad , step mom and step sisters wanted to know me.... i guess we can only give what we're able to do for ourselves.