ME-CATION

This upcoming Thursday I was going to go on a group trip with my whole group of friends to Miami. This was planned a few months ago before the cases of covid had re-surged. I decided about a week ago to opt out of this because of wanting to wait for my third dose of the vaccine before traveling again. I got my vaccine over 8 months ago so I really wanna make sure I have full efficacy. Anyways, I decided that even though I'm not going to spend five days in Miami , I AM going to take those five days off to have a ME-CATION. I'm going to take those days off to have a major reset for myself. THere's so much I wanna do. Some of it productive and some of it not so ... I look forward to this for myself BECAUSE I fucking matter! YAS.

Analysis 8.24.21

- I've been angry because I have compromised aspects of myself to not have to "know" certain things.
- By doing this I have sacrificed what I really want, really need, to keep "the peace". I havent wanted to know things that now I cannot unknow.
- It's only when I can be my true authentic self (the good, bad, the ugly, the dark, the light, the silly, the needy, the erotic, the rage, the prude, the shame) that I can really be known. The alternative is to have to live in partial/modified versions of ourselves. Always caged. Always partial. Always fragmented.
- Being known for our whole self is the truest wish we all have. I know it's what I really want.